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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Harder, Faster

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. That cliche can apply to so many things including, and certainly not limited to masturbation.

Oh, I'm sorry did you think we were done with that topic? 

We haven't even scratch the surface.

For those of us that do masturbate, we are hopefully fully aware of all the wonderful benefits that it brings. So, I suggest we inform those of the world who don't what their missing, and perhaps, we'll even teach those of us that do more reasons to keep doing it. I'll start with my favorite reason.


I love sleep. Like I LOVE sleep, I'm sure that when I'm old I will look back on my life and realize all the time I wasted sleeping, but for now I'll allow it. If you are like me and love sleep but sometimes have a problem getting to sleep I will give you some sage advice. DON'T GET ON AMBIEN. There is no reason to pump your body full of chemicals when it naturally produces the ones you need. Ones that are released upon Orgasm. (Yes, I will be capitalizing Orgasm. It's that important. ) I can't spout the joys of sleep via masturbation more, there's something about cumming and then blissfully floating off into Lala land. Not to mention it might inspire some amazing dreams.

Ok, getting down to the nitty gritty, things you should do before using the big M to fall asleep:

-go to the bathroom. (The contracting of your uterus that is caused from masturbation can make you need to pee, which means getting out of bed afterward and therefore negating the purpose.)

-turn the lights off (unless of course you sleep with them on.)

-Say goodnight to your honey. (If your comfortable masturbating with your significant other in the bed then more power to you, otherwise you might want to let them in on what your doing and go to bed before them. Of course this will come up again when I talk about foreplay and mutual masturbation.) 

-Get comfy. If you have an insanely comfortable bed I applaud you and you can skip this step. Otherwise get comfortable there is nothing really worse than in the middle of masturbation and you become intensely uncomfortable.

Then the last thing to do is go for it.

I realize at this point there are so many reasons to masturbate and since I think some people, not necessarily myself, but perhaps some of my readers could get bored, I am bringing it down to what I consider the last important point.  


Awwww yeah baby, just like that. No don't stop, keep going.

You may think, awkward way to start that section. I believe that, that phrase or any iterations of it are VERY important. When your significant other tells you during foreplay, well, really anytime sexual, that you should keep doing what your doing. Please, please for the love of everything holy keep doing what you're doing. Don't slow down, don't change angles, don't suddenly start kissing. Normally when this phrase is uttered the person being played with is very close to completion which takes an obscene amount of concentration. 

For women cumming before sex has a benefit and a drawback.
 -lubrication vs. slip and slide. There wet and then there's sloppy. Wet and hem having sex is good, sloppy then having sex leads to next to no friction and therefore little no enjoyment for him.

-being overly sensitive. Sometimes too much is really too much. When you cum so hard that it drains you completely sex becomes only for the person who hasn't Orgasmed.

-though sometimes when you have baby Orgasms, (warning a new topic has popped up!) they can cause some very intense sex.  

So ultimately for foreplay you kinda have to play it Orgasm to Orgasm.

The last thing I have to say about masturbation would be to ask how do you do it? 
Here is where personal preference comes in, manual (no assistance) vs. vibrator.    

I have enjoyed and explored both of those options. When I was younger I think psychologically I wasn't prepared to allow something other than myself the release of control to bring myself to completion. As I've got older I've found that vibrators are amazing and are one if my best friends.

On the note of psychologically being able to loose control, I've had more than one friend/family come to me and discuss there inability or difficulty coming to completion. I feel that this harkenes back to my previous post that discussed being comfortable with yourself. I believe that this problem stems from the extreme physical and emotional turbulence that occurres when you come close to Orgasm and it's too much for you to handle and therefore you either stop because it's too overwhelming or you stop because it's so intense it hurts. If you find that it's painful to Orgasm I suggest strongly to go see your doctor. (This suggestion is for both men and women.)

I hope that you will take the advice that I try to express in this Column and use in for good and not bad. See you next week.  


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