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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

When is it ok?

First I apologize for the late blog post last week, I wish I could blame it on non-inspiration but I had it already written up I just kept forgetting to actually post it. So this week I am determined to have this posted on Wednesday night!

As I was driving to work this morning, listening to the morning talk show The Morning X on 97X Tampa Bay, the Real Sex with the Morning X topic was Cheating on your Significant Other-the excuses that you use, then when I got to work one of my co-workers was talking about a woman that was trying to tempt him to cheat. So I decided today's topic is the importance of sex in any relationship. While I am the first to say that a relationship should be more than just sex, it is a very important aspect of any intimate relationship. It's one of the ways that we show each other that we care, and human contact is needed for survival, plus if it's done right it's damn fun. Does this mean that if you don't have sex with you're partner they/you can cheat?
Come on people cheating is the stupidest thing you can do! Why are you cheating? Not attracted to your partner anymore? Don't love your partner anymore? Your partner isn't having sex with you anymore? You know what can fix ALL of these problems? COMMUNICATION.
If you just talk to each other it would fix any and all of your problems, even if it means that fix is no longer being together. If your saying to yourself, I can't talk to them about that? Then you need to seek some professional help, if you can't talk to the person you're supposed to spend your life with then there is something bigger to worry about then sex, or cheating. I feel more than confidant in this knowledge since all my life I've been in relationships that were non-communicative, and guess what...they ALL failed. 
With my fiance we started off being very honest with each other and we've never stopped, I know that I can talk to him about all of my problems, and not feel embarrassed or if I do feel embarrassed he does everything he can to make me feel better. Whats even more amazing is I do the same for him, it is easily the healthiest relationship I've ever been a part of.

Now I'm aware that there are times, and situations that cause a person to be unable to have sex, disability or other medical condition. In that situation I would urge you to again talk to one another and come up with a solution for pleasing each other. This comes dangerously close to the topic of non-monogamy. I truly 100% believe there is a time and place for non-monogamy, NOT CHEATING, non-monogamy is the act of allowing either both or one partner to seek romantic/sexual partners outside of the relationship. I would say, and this is without any actual data to back me up, that this situation has a 80% fail rate, which I am aware doesn't bode well for supporting it as an alternative choice to not being able to have sex, but it is still an option. The other one would be doing as much as you can with each other and let that be enough. Mutual masturbation, playing with toys, etc.

At the end of the day, all I can say is that there is never any valid excuse for cheating, EVER. So please embrace communication, and even more embrace each other.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Listen up boys and gals cause you can learn something. Kissing is the most important sexual thing you can do with your mouth. Hands down no holds bar, it's the closest you will ever feel to a person if it's done right. There is a reason that prositutes generally don't kiss, it's too personal, to intimate. Read: Pretty Woman. I figured out I was going to marry my fiance because of a kiss.

I'm sure everyone has seen the scene in the movies where boy and girl get together at the end and they have this earth stopping, universe crashing, amazing kiss, those that say that it doesn't exsist (I used to be one of those.) are wrong it totally does. I have to share this rather sappy moment, that no one ever believes.

My fiance and I, then only my boyfriend, had been together for probably a week. We were laying in bed snuggling, kissing, and doing some general over the clothes petting, when suddenly it happened. The kissing took on a whole other level, I swear to you on anything I find good and decent in this world that time stopped, and we became one person. (Not literally) This was the most intense kiss I have every had, EVER! I applaud people who can kiss a person and only be thinking of that kiss and that person. I can't i have WAY too much going on in my busy, busy brain for that to happen. Its not as if I'm not vested in most of the kissing that I do, it's just that your brain wonders and sometimes you end up only giving about 60-70% of your attention to the kiss and the partner your doing it with, but man not that time. That time I was 100% invested in that kiss and so was he, it felt like it went on for hours, though it was only minutes, and when it ended we were both totally blown away we didn't speak for a while, just held hands. I have tried replicating this experience and have yet to every come anywhere close to it, I think I can safely say that I experienced a once in a lifetime event, and it was totally worth it.

Granted, for you cynics, there is the opposite side of the coin. I've determined in my own right that aside from things like war, poverty, and the Bush Administration there is nothing worse than bad sex, which I feel also encompasses bad kissing. It's like being told your going on this amazing vacation and when you get there its a child labor camp and you're forced to be the one that whips them. That imagry may have got a little out of hand...sorry.

Right, bad kissing.

There are several types of bad kissing, allow me to list a few:
-The Biter
-The Water Fountain
-The Feather Duster
-The Abuser

I like my names, they're catchy and fun to come up with cartoon characters in my head. Personally I am a fan of a firm kiss, passionate is more than acceptable, I am rarely a light/delicate kisser. I think that most of these above offenders come from people not knowing when enough is enough. The biter, is a great example of that, Biters are people who have taken nibbling(acceptable), to a whole other level, if you "nibble" my lip and it come out of your mouth bleeding, you've gone too far. Worse to me is the Water Fountain, I can see silly sloppy kisses, the man does it to me occasionally when he thinks I'm not paying attention cause he knows it bugs me. Slobber...YUK! Saliva I'm ok with, me and saliva have an agreement. Water Fountain kissers, you come away from and need a towel for your face, cause not only have he out right slobbered on your mouth, but he has somehow managed to get it all over your face. Thinking about all the germs covering my face, invoke a primitive need to save myself by punching the offender and then taking a shower.
So don't get me wrong, I know that there are men out there, that are a little more feminine, but straight and that they have a tendency to kiss lightly. Which sometimes in certain circumstances, with the right person is good, but if I have to try to identify when your lips are brushing mine, you are taking this whole soft kissing thing way too far. I had an ex-girlfriend that did this to not just my lips, but to my body. It drove me absolutely batty. I'd be sitting there wondering when the whole thing was going to begin. Granted on the other end of the spectrum, and my last example is the Abuser. Playing rough, and having some good old fashion "Mr. And Mrs. Smith" type sex is great, but when you are constantly treating my mouth like it has no sensation to it, that's not good. It's like some people only see in black and white, "well if she doesn't like it soft she must like it real rough.", there is a difference between a passionate kiss and one that makes me wonder if I should get out while I can. Luckily I've only encountered this type of kisser once, and it was in my younger days, where there was too much drinking, and not enough of knowing each others names, so I give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope that he learned his lesson when I smacked him. I think he bruised my lips. Ouch.

I'm a great kisser, I like to think that I try to anticipate what type of style my lover/s are going to want, but that has come with a lot of practice. I'm NOT advocating for people to just start kissing random strangers, or to go out and have a hook up, but practice makes perfect. It comes down to communication, you need to learn to give want your partner wants, while still being able to get what you want. This blog is all about putting it all out there for people to read, and hopefully use in their own way, and I am 100% supporter of talking to your partner about anything sexual that is bugging you, or that you would like to explore. If you can't tell the person you're being intimate with what you want, then you shouldn't be being intimate with them. I'm a realist too so if it's just a hook up and you're not serious, or you're never going to see them again. Get yours!


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Harder, Faster

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. That cliche can apply to so many things including, and certainly not limited to masturbation.

Oh, I'm sorry did you think we were done with that topic? 

We haven't even scratch the surface.

For those of us that do masturbate, we are hopefully fully aware of all the wonderful benefits that it brings. So, I suggest we inform those of the world who don't what their missing, and perhaps, we'll even teach those of us that do more reasons to keep doing it. I'll start with my favorite reason.


I love sleep. Like I LOVE sleep, I'm sure that when I'm old I will look back on my life and realize all the time I wasted sleeping, but for now I'll allow it. If you are like me and love sleep but sometimes have a problem getting to sleep I will give you some sage advice. DON'T GET ON AMBIEN. There is no reason to pump your body full of chemicals when it naturally produces the ones you need. Ones that are released upon Orgasm. (Yes, I will be capitalizing Orgasm. It's that important. ) I can't spout the joys of sleep via masturbation more, there's something about cumming and then blissfully floating off into Lala land. Not to mention it might inspire some amazing dreams.

Ok, getting down to the nitty gritty, things you should do before using the big M to fall asleep:

-go to the bathroom. (The contracting of your uterus that is caused from masturbation can make you need to pee, which means getting out of bed afterward and therefore negating the purpose.)

-turn the lights off (unless of course you sleep with them on.)

-Say goodnight to your honey. (If your comfortable masturbating with your significant other in the bed then more power to you, otherwise you might want to let them in on what your doing and go to bed before them. Of course this will come up again when I talk about foreplay and mutual masturbation.) 

-Get comfy. If you have an insanely comfortable bed I applaud you and you can skip this step. Otherwise get comfortable there is nothing really worse than in the middle of masturbation and you become intensely uncomfortable.

Then the last thing to do is go for it.

I realize at this point there are so many reasons to masturbate and since I think some people, not necessarily myself, but perhaps some of my readers could get bored, I am bringing it down to what I consider the last important point.  


Awwww yeah baby, just like that. No don't stop, keep going.

You may think, awkward way to start that section. I believe that, that phrase or any iterations of it are VERY important. When your significant other tells you during foreplay, well, really anytime sexual, that you should keep doing what your doing. Please, please for the love of everything holy keep doing what you're doing. Don't slow down, don't change angles, don't suddenly start kissing. Normally when this phrase is uttered the person being played with is very close to completion which takes an obscene amount of concentration. 

For women cumming before sex has a benefit and a drawback.
 -lubrication vs. slip and slide. There wet and then there's sloppy. Wet and hem having sex is good, sloppy then having sex leads to next to no friction and therefore little no enjoyment for him.

-being overly sensitive. Sometimes too much is really too much. When you cum so hard that it drains you completely sex becomes only for the person who hasn't Orgasmed.

-though sometimes when you have baby Orgasms, (warning a new topic has popped up!) they can cause some very intense sex.  

So ultimately for foreplay you kinda have to play it Orgasm to Orgasm.

The last thing I have to say about masturbation would be to ask how do you do it? 
Here is where personal preference comes in, manual (no assistance) vs. vibrator.    

I have enjoyed and explored both of those options. When I was younger I think psychologically I wasn't prepared to allow something other than myself the release of control to bring myself to completion. As I've got older I've found that vibrators are amazing and are one if my best friends.

On the note of psychologically being able to loose control, I've had more than one friend/family come to me and discuss there inability or difficulty coming to completion. I feel that this harkenes back to my previous post that discussed being comfortable with yourself. I believe that this problem stems from the extreme physical and emotional turbulence that occurres when you come close to Orgasm and it's too much for you to handle and therefore you either stop because it's too overwhelming or you stop because it's so intense it hurts. If you find that it's painful to Orgasm I suggest strongly to go see your doctor. (This suggestion is for both men and women.)

I hope that you will take the advice that I try to express in this Column and use in for good and not bad. See you next week.  


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Sex, sex, sex, and more sex. That's what we're here for, to talk about sex and all that it entails. My name is Charlyssa, and I have absolutely no professional experience in the sexual world, and I mean that in every way you can imagine. Though, I have had sex, as a matter of fact I have had many much sexin. Plus I like talking about sex, it's the most interesting thing you can talk about. Over the years my friends and family have either come to me for advice about their sex lives, or just to shoot the shit about it, either way a good chunk of them have told me that I should be a sex therapist. Well since I have no interest in the schooling involved to become a therapist, but I love writing, and most of the people I know like reading, I thought I'd blog it up. So here I am, blogging, about sex, dirty, sexy, loving, beautiful, sex and everything involved with it.

So, what's first on the list? Well we could start off slow, talk a little foreplay; we could dive right in and chat up some BDSM; or we could start where we all started as little kids...Masturbation.

People are really uncomfortable with the idea of children masturbating, and to be honest at that age it doesn't remotely resemble what we do at our age, but it's masturbation never the less. What is really disturbing about children discovering themselves (I feel I've used up all the children+masturbating in one sentence that I can.) is that family members tend to discourage that behavior. Discouraging it in public is one things, but children discovering their bodies is a very important step in their developmental stage. So parents, learn them kids proper hygiene, otherwise let them at it.

Again, I'm not a professional, so you certainly don't have to take my advice.

Onto us, the adults. I am amazed when I hear friends or family try to tell me that they don't masturbate, either they are lying, or the sadder fact their telling the truth and they don't because they think it's gross.

Gross? GROSS!?

This is your body we're talking about, your skin, hair, nails, and yes your sexual organs. To be honest I've noticed that when this topic arises it is 99% women, seriously haven't really met a dude who had that issue. I'll give you that the idea of fingers touching, moist, hopefully well lubricated vagina/clit could be seen as slightly unpleasant, there are ways around that, like say toys. Which is a topic we'll touch on later, its way too long for this one. Getting down to it masturbation is all about being in touch with our bodies, plus, you know orgasm! Woohoo! Until we can be comfortable with our bodies we can't really expect anyone else to be comfortable with them.

This is not the end of masturbation, it's too big of a topic to cover in one go, but it's a better than a decent start. So please come back again and read more. Or click on the link at the top to get sexie in you're email.