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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

When is it ok?

First I apologize for the late blog post last week, I wish I could blame it on non-inspiration but I had it already written up I just kept forgetting to actually post it. So this week I am determined to have this posted on Wednesday night!

As I was driving to work this morning, listening to the morning talk show The Morning X on 97X Tampa Bay, the Real Sex with the Morning X topic was Cheating on your Significant Other-the excuses that you use, then when I got to work one of my co-workers was talking about a woman that was trying to tempt him to cheat. So I decided today's topic is the importance of sex in any relationship. While I am the first to say that a relationship should be more than just sex, it is a very important aspect of any intimate relationship. It's one of the ways that we show each other that we care, and human contact is needed for survival, plus if it's done right it's damn fun. Does this mean that if you don't have sex with you're partner they/you can cheat?
Come on people cheating is the stupidest thing you can do! Why are you cheating? Not attracted to your partner anymore? Don't love your partner anymore? Your partner isn't having sex with you anymore? You know what can fix ALL of these problems? COMMUNICATION.
If you just talk to each other it would fix any and all of your problems, even if it means that fix is no longer being together. If your saying to yourself, I can't talk to them about that? Then you need to seek some professional help, if you can't talk to the person you're supposed to spend your life with then there is something bigger to worry about then sex, or cheating. I feel more than confidant in this knowledge since all my life I've been in relationships that were non-communicative, and guess what...they ALL failed. 
With my fiance we started off being very honest with each other and we've never stopped, I know that I can talk to him about all of my problems, and not feel embarrassed or if I do feel embarrassed he does everything he can to make me feel better. Whats even more amazing is I do the same for him, it is easily the healthiest relationship I've ever been a part of.

Now I'm aware that there are times, and situations that cause a person to be unable to have sex, disability or other medical condition. In that situation I would urge you to again talk to one another and come up with a solution for pleasing each other. This comes dangerously close to the topic of non-monogamy. I truly 100% believe there is a time and place for non-monogamy, NOT CHEATING, non-monogamy is the act of allowing either both or one partner to seek romantic/sexual partners outside of the relationship. I would say, and this is without any actual data to back me up, that this situation has a 80% fail rate, which I am aware doesn't bode well for supporting it as an alternative choice to not being able to have sex, but it is still an option. The other one would be doing as much as you can with each other and let that be enough. Mutual masturbation, playing with toys, etc.

At the end of the day, all I can say is that there is never any valid excuse for cheating, EVER. So please embrace communication, and even more embrace each other.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Listen up boys and gals cause you can learn something. Kissing is the most important sexual thing you can do with your mouth. Hands down no holds bar, it's the closest you will ever feel to a person if it's done right. There is a reason that prositutes generally don't kiss, it's too personal, to intimate. Read: Pretty Woman. I figured out I was going to marry my fiance because of a kiss.

I'm sure everyone has seen the scene in the movies where boy and girl get together at the end and they have this earth stopping, universe crashing, amazing kiss, those that say that it doesn't exsist (I used to be one of those.) are wrong it totally does. I have to share this rather sappy moment, that no one ever believes.

My fiance and I, then only my boyfriend, had been together for probably a week. We were laying in bed snuggling, kissing, and doing some general over the clothes petting, when suddenly it happened. The kissing took on a whole other level, I swear to you on anything I find good and decent in this world that time stopped, and we became one person. (Not literally) This was the most intense kiss I have every had, EVER! I applaud people who can kiss a person and only be thinking of that kiss and that person. I can't i have WAY too much going on in my busy, busy brain for that to happen. Its not as if I'm not vested in most of the kissing that I do, it's just that your brain wonders and sometimes you end up only giving about 60-70% of your attention to the kiss and the partner your doing it with, but man not that time. That time I was 100% invested in that kiss and so was he, it felt like it went on for hours, though it was only minutes, and when it ended we were both totally blown away we didn't speak for a while, just held hands. I have tried replicating this experience and have yet to every come anywhere close to it, I think I can safely say that I experienced a once in a lifetime event, and it was totally worth it.

Granted, for you cynics, there is the opposite side of the coin. I've determined in my own right that aside from things like war, poverty, and the Bush Administration there is nothing worse than bad sex, which I feel also encompasses bad kissing. It's like being told your going on this amazing vacation and when you get there its a child labor camp and you're forced to be the one that whips them. That imagry may have got a little out of hand...sorry.

Right, bad kissing.

There are several types of bad kissing, allow me to list a few:
-The Biter
-The Water Fountain
-The Feather Duster
-The Abuser

I like my names, they're catchy and fun to come up with cartoon characters in my head. Personally I am a fan of a firm kiss, passionate is more than acceptable, I am rarely a light/delicate kisser. I think that most of these above offenders come from people not knowing when enough is enough. The biter, is a great example of that, Biters are people who have taken nibbling(acceptable), to a whole other level, if you "nibble" my lip and it come out of your mouth bleeding, you've gone too far. Worse to me is the Water Fountain, I can see silly sloppy kisses, the man does it to me occasionally when he thinks I'm not paying attention cause he knows it bugs me. Slobber...YUK! Saliva I'm ok with, me and saliva have an agreement. Water Fountain kissers, you come away from and need a towel for your face, cause not only have he out right slobbered on your mouth, but he has somehow managed to get it all over your face. Thinking about all the germs covering my face, invoke a primitive need to save myself by punching the offender and then taking a shower.
So don't get me wrong, I know that there are men out there, that are a little more feminine, but straight and that they have a tendency to kiss lightly. Which sometimes in certain circumstances, with the right person is good, but if I have to try to identify when your lips are brushing mine, you are taking this whole soft kissing thing way too far. I had an ex-girlfriend that did this to not just my lips, but to my body. It drove me absolutely batty. I'd be sitting there wondering when the whole thing was going to begin. Granted on the other end of the spectrum, and my last example is the Abuser. Playing rough, and having some good old fashion "Mr. And Mrs. Smith" type sex is great, but when you are constantly treating my mouth like it has no sensation to it, that's not good. It's like some people only see in black and white, "well if she doesn't like it soft she must like it real rough.", there is a difference between a passionate kiss and one that makes me wonder if I should get out while I can. Luckily I've only encountered this type of kisser once, and it was in my younger days, where there was too much drinking, and not enough of knowing each others names, so I give the guy the benefit of the doubt and hope that he learned his lesson when I smacked him. I think he bruised my lips. Ouch.

I'm a great kisser, I like to think that I try to anticipate what type of style my lover/s are going to want, but that has come with a lot of practice. I'm NOT advocating for people to just start kissing random strangers, or to go out and have a hook up, but practice makes perfect. It comes down to communication, you need to learn to give want your partner wants, while still being able to get what you want. This blog is all about putting it all out there for people to read, and hopefully use in their own way, and I am 100% supporter of talking to your partner about anything sexual that is bugging you, or that you would like to explore. If you can't tell the person you're being intimate with what you want, then you shouldn't be being intimate with them. I'm a realist too so if it's just a hook up and you're not serious, or you're never going to see them again. Get yours!